I'm at my mom's and she is starting to see what no one but Dustin and I see about Hyrum. And it was hard for my mom. She finally came to grips by saying "oh, I see, you just can't reason with him, that's all."
She was very sweet about it, but that is an issue that really concerns me about Hyrum. I'm feeling like if I write down situations that I've been having with him, I figure out more how to talk to others, myself, or God about how to handle things:
SITUATION:
Daniel and Hyrum were rough housing in my bedroom, and I was half paying attention. Then I saw Hyrum totally punch Daniel purposefully and with anger. Wanting to make a big impression that this sort of behaviour was not acceptable, I took away Hyrum's two new Silly Putty eggs because I knew that would be hard for him.
He got so upset. He asked how he could earn it back. I told him he could get one back after he had been good for Grandmas as they went out, but that he couldn't get the other one until the next morning.
He said Daniel was punching him, that he didn't punch Daniel hard, that he hadn't done it in anger. On and on, story changing ever more. He was recreating the event in his mind to the point where he was completely innocent and if anyone, Daniel was the culprit.
"You never punish Maxwell or Daniel. I'm the only one who gets in trouble, and I never do anything wrong."
SITUATION:
We went to the Circus. I knew that circuses make all their money off of buying concessions, and mostly because I don't want my kids to become entitled spoiled things, I did a little pre-teach about how we weren't going to buy anything. I explained how there would be glowing twirly wonderful things they would want us to buy, that we were NOT going to buy. I had each child repeat that we were not going to buy anything.
Of course, when the cool pulsating Light Sabers came out, all the kids wanted one, and I had to remind them that we were NOT buying anything.
But Hyrum took this extra hard. He had one dollar. couldn't he buy it? Me "No"
H "How much do the light sabers cost?"
Me "I don't know, but more than a dollar."
H "The man said those glowy things only cost five dollars."
Me "Exactly and those glowy things are not as cool as the light sabers, so the light sabers would cost more."
H "You just don't want me to buy it. You don't want me to get it."
Me "Even if it was just one dollar I wouldn't want you to get it."
H "SEE! you don't care! You won't let me buy it!"
Me "Fine, you know what? I'll ask the next person with a lightSaber how much it costs."
at which point we found out it costs $12.--Silence for a few minutes.
H "You didn't let me buy what I wanted with my own money."
Me "You didn't have enough."
H "Not now, when I bought Maxwell's birthday present. You didn't let me buy what I wanted."
Me "Two weeks ago? we're talking about two weeks ago? I didn't want you to get that toy because it didn't work with Lego and had lots of pieces. I let you buy one of them, and what happened to that toy that same day?"-------"It got scattered all over the house and became junk."
H "You scattered that toy! You did it because you didn't like me buying it."
Absolute lie. But he believed the lie after he told it.
So, what do you do? He's WAY to emotional when these situations are going on to reason with him. If anything, it hurts his psyche even more. He retreats further and further into his justifications that become more and more real to him.
So, here's my plan for tomorrow. I'll snuggle up to him in a good healthy-brain moment, and share a story similar to these about other people, and ask him what he thinks. Then bring in the parallels of our real life and try to make him see that I am not his enemy, and that I love him and I'm on his side.
Wish me luck.
